Let’s be candid - Are your listening skills really good?
Do you listen when people talk to you, or do you just nod, or wait for your turn to speak, or busy mentally making weekend plans?
Honestly, most of us aren’t good at it. I used to think I was a great listener. I’d throw in the occasional “Hmm" and just wait to react.
But then one day, my friend Alina called me out. She was venting about her job, her boss, who was being a nightmare, her teammates, and how her underpaid job was sucking her.
I was scrolling through social media, offering her general suggestions like maybe you should discuss with HR when she suddenly said, “You’re not really listening, are you?”
Bang! I was caught red-handed.
She was right, I wasn’t listening. I was hearing her. And that’s when I realized: listening is a skill.
Let’s explore what it really means to listen, and how we can get better at it.
What Is Real Listening?
Real listening isn’t just about someone’s voice, but it is about where you’re fully present, showing your concern.
The people are heard, recognized, and understood, and the other person walks away happily thinking, ” That's a good one, they got me!"
Listening v/s Hearing
People often confuse these two words. Hearing is a physical activity. Many times, it is a sound for us. It doesn’t give the meaning to what we have heard.
While listening is a skill. Listening allows us to analyze what the other person is saying.
It’s like the difference between skimming a WhatsApp forward and actually reading a friend’s message.
Why does active listening matter?
Listening is not just another “soft skill”. It is a skill that decides whether people should trust you, respect you, and even recommend you for bigger opportunities--
- A colleague who feels heard will stand by you.
- A manager is more likely to trust you with responsibility.
- A client who feels understood will return even if your competitor is cheaper.
Listening plays a crucial role in human connection, and remember, careers grow on connection.
Active listening is a powerful way of showing respect, lessening misunderstanding, and building trust-see how it connects with tone, timing, and professional behavior in Workplace Etiquette.
I would like to share a real-life moment
Imagine you're in a team meeting and confidently sharing your idea. Halfway through, one of your teammates jumps in with his stronger proposal.
You go quiet, not because your idea wasn’t good, but because you felt unheard.
That’s the moment you realize how powerful it feels when someone actually allows you to finish without interrupting.
Listening is about honoring someone’s voice and not just about hearing words.
Barriers to Active Listening
Many of us struggle to listen, even though we have good intentions to do so.
Let's acknowledge a few obstacles that hinder active listening.
1.Making a hasty judgment of the speaker
We often jump to a conclusion without listening to the other person and immediately label someone as wrong.
Active listening is not about agreeing, but is about being heard before deciding what to reflect and say.
2.Distraction is a big hindrance
We easily get distracted, whether it’s the buzzing of a phone, a background noise, or our own wandering thoughts.
When our mind drifts, we should gently refocus and bring our attention back to the listener.
3.Mentally formulating your answers while they talk
This is a human nature where we interrupt with our expert comments while someone is speaking, and stop listening to them midway.
We miss the unspoken messages, hints, and even their emotions. So pause, let the person complete and respond, then feel the difference.
4.Emotional triggers
Emotional triggers are some particular situations, persons, or tones that can cause an emotional reaction, leading to anxiety, irritation, hence blocking the rest of the message.
Recognizing these triggers and being mindful can help us to listen to the speaker.
5.Lack of interest or connection
We know that not all conversations are interesting, a few are boring, and sometimes don’t feel like listening, but remember the person wants to be heard.
So, show interest, ask questions, and even delve deeper; you'll find that even the most boring conversation can seem meaningful.
Six habits to improve your Listening Skills. Here are a few practical tips:
1. Put the phone away: Keep your phone down when someone is talking to you. Listen to the person attentively.
2. Ask questions: When you are communicating with your colleague, instead of asking “Are you okay?” try to ask “You mean you need more time to finish this task?”. Let the other person feel heard.
3. Recollect: Recollect the ideas after the conversation, not word-for-word, but casually: “Got it.” Encourage the listener, as it helps in effective communication.
4. Make Eye Contact: Make eye contact while interacting with others. It shows you're interested and encourages the speaker to open up.
5. Don’t Interrupt: Allow them to speak before jumping in. Let them pause as it helps to think and feel. Listening is not about words but about tone and emotions.
6. Practice Patience: Not every conversation needs a quick reply. Sometimes, just listening is enough.
These habits don’t just make you a good listener. They make you memorable. These not only refines your listening- they help you build trust, self- assurance in every interaction. Explore more in Confidence Building.
Importance of Listening in Relationships
In any relationship, whether friends, family, conflict arises. Many times, it is because we don’t listen to them; we just speak.
I once had a minor argument with my Mom when she forgot to go to the grocery store.
My mom thought I was not recognizing her efforts in managing the work and parenting. I was busy trying to figure out my own needs.
We finally sat down, talked, and listened, and we realized that we understood each other better. And once that happened, the tension melted.
Listening builds trust, and it shows we value that person and their emotions. This act can make any relationship healthier and meaningful.
Wrapping up
What matters the most at the end of the day is that people may not always remember every brilliant thing you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
Making people feel valued and listening actively reminds you of how others feel around you.
Key Takeaway
In your next conversation, pause, focus fully, and recognize the other person talking.
That’s when real trust begins. Strong communicator is not about speaking more, but it’s about listening better.
Quick check:
Practice this challenge:
- Pause for 2 seconds before jumping into any conversation.
- Ask any open-ended question in the next conversation to make the person feel heard.
